A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
