No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
