it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
