There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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