I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
