Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
