Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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