I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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