We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
