She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
