Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
