It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
