That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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