I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
