I wish I only lived at night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
