dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
