she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
