Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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