Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sobbing to NWA
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