He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
