Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
