I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
