In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
