you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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