Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
