I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Farmville is her only friend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You're like the curious george of whores
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
