Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
