I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
