and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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