New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
