Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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