Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
