scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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