Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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