I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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