Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
