don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
