Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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