I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
