i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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