When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
