how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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