If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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