Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
