I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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