In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I party with great urgency now.
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