is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
