I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
