So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
