So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
