As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
